Harmony, Use the “tab” button to indent the first sentence of each paragraph. Some of your paragraphs are “tabbed” twice. Introduction: Your introduction is strong until you mention the football team and the Canadian flag. You do not write about these topics later, so they shouldn’t be mentioned. (It’s “Saskatchewan Roughriders”) Supporting Paragraphs: You have done a pretty good job here. Paragraph three (history) seems to be more about famous Canadians than our history. In paragraph four, your last sentence was already stated earlier and your ideas seem a little chaotic. Free health care doesn’t fit well. Conclusion: You’ve restated your reasons, but it’s repetitive. You used the word “proud” three times. Overall, this is a good first effort at expository writing. You followed the structure well. 19/25
Harmony,
ReplyDeleteUse the “tab” button to indent the first sentence of each paragraph. Some of your paragraphs are “tabbed” twice.
Introduction: Your introduction is strong until you mention the football team and the Canadian flag. You do not write about these topics later, so they shouldn’t be mentioned. (It’s “Saskatchewan Roughriders”)
Supporting Paragraphs: You have done a pretty good job here. Paragraph three (history) seems to be more about famous Canadians than our history. In paragraph four, your last sentence was already stated earlier and your ideas seem a little chaotic. Free health care doesn’t fit well.
Conclusion: You’ve restated your reasons, but it’s repetitive. You used the word “proud” three times.
Overall, this is a good first effort at expository writing. You followed the structure well.
19/25